It’s fun to look back at the memories. To see them through a new lens with new experience to shape how the past is interpreted. My story changes as I learn more about a situation that has already occurred. My story is shaped by God and what he is teaching me, and what he has taught me. It is fascinating to find new pieces to the puzzle as I grow older and change, hopefully to be more like Him. The grace has overwhelmed me, the love overpowered me, and his desire for me as I am is crushing me in the best sense. It is fun to look back, but it is fun to see where he is taking me and how he is using this story of redemption. 

tterzek:

To silence the haters: It is amazing how cynicism can poison even the most compassionate of efforts: http://s3.amazonaws.com/www.invisiblechildren.com/critiques.html

I want you to realize that He is the best. 

Why did you lie to my face? I wouldn’t have loved you any less. And I still don’t. I just don’t understand why you would lie to someone when you say you love them too. 

My God has been severely misrepresented in my life and in the lives of countless others. But, my dear friends, my God is exponentially bigger than those misrepresentations and boxes I’ve forced on Him.

Praise Him for roommates that call you out in love. It’s all about lovingly encouraging one another to be more like Jesus. Praise Him! It’s so encouraging to see my heart changing and building relationships that I never thought would be possible. 

I’m thankful for you. I’m thankful for the still-small moments when I’m most content with Him. I’m thankful for the cold but clear days. I’m thankful for friends, for family. I’m thankful that I don’t need to know what’s going to happen next. I’m thankful for the memories. I’m thankful for grace. I’m thankful for forgiveness. I’m thankful for freedom in Christ. I’m thankful for sunsets, for love, for laughter. I’m thankful for chocolate. I’m thankful for being here. I’m thankful that You’re in control. I’m thankful I don’t have to fix people and that I can’t even try. I’m thankful You work on my heart, and the hearts of others. I’m thankful You’re here with me. I’m thankful for the golden leaves. I’m thankful for Your guidance. I’m thankful for the light. I’m thankful that you love me, no matter what I do, no matter how many times I fail, no matter how many things I ruin, no matter how many people I disappoint. You love me perfectly and eternally. For that, I am thankful. 

disclaimer: This probably isn’t about you. 

I’m sorry, this is going to sound harsh. Know that I love you. I just don’t understand you. You wrestle and and wrestle with unworthiness; yet you truly are selfish. You pretend to do good things to follow your moralistic world view. Just do good and you’ll feel good, right? You’re on your knees begging to change; yet you’re stuck in the place you are. You look within, see the destruction, and weep for an answer. You beat yourself up, you hide in shame, your heart is hardened.  Yet you never looked outside yourself. You see everything that is wrong with you for what it is and you decide you will be your own solution. You decide to simply change your self-perspective and everything will be fine. You ignore the pain. You have fooled yourself into thinking you’ve dealt with it. You feel things you think you know something about. You know nothing.  You think you have been your own savior. How is it working out? You would say great. You would say that everything is wonderful; you’re in love. In love with your world you have created with your own mind. You probably feel successful. Yet where are you? Have you really moved from the place you were? Are things really okay? 

Maybe they are for in this moment. Maybe you truly believe you are okay. I’ll be here waiting for you. Waiting for things to crash again. I’ll be your shoulder to cry on. I’ll be supportive. I’ll say I will never leave you. Because after all I’m just a fool, and I don’t understand you. 

…to give people the benefit of the doubt. This is a world of change for me, and I’m still really bad at it. I have grown up thinking that people are always malicious in their actions. They aren’t always, and sometimes they can be in a world of hurt themselves which is part of the reason they do what they do. Giving people the benefit of the doubt helps me to not be bitter, to be more positive and optimistic, and to remember that Jesus loves them too. 

…that it will be okay. Time does do a world of good to all kinds of situations. Tense, painful, confusion, depression. It is imperative, however to work on tie situation and repent when necessary. Time can also be dangerous to a hard heart. 

…that Jesus really does know what he’s doing. 

…that it’s better to turn to Him in the first place in worship, rather than worry yourself into a hole and the only thing left is to turn to Him.

Thank you kind sir who gave me 20 bucks so I could buy Desiring God. 

Thank you for sharing your experience:

This book helped me finally “get it” after all these years [of following Christ]

Thank you for showing me generosity even when I really didn’t need or deserve it. 

please.

Stop turning down opportunities.

let others in//we all have heartaches, we all have struggles. 

Praise God for the blessings, praise him for all of the people and all of the love

Live my identity. 

love. That is my job: to love. What you do is between you and God. He’ll convict, he’ll work in you, he’ll make changes. But, there is a time for real talk and calling each other out. It is to be done out of love, not self righteousness, not judgement, not hate. 

one dedicated to praising the Lord, hopes, dreams, goals, inspirations, love, creativity, etc. 

Turning a new, positive leaf. A lot of my entries will probably be turned into tumblr posts. Get ready. :]

Recently, I have been feeling overwhelmingly blessed, ever since I went to Seattle to spend a whole week with friends. I have primarily been feeling blessed with relationships and lots of love in my life. But, more so, the material blessings have been more than I can comprehend. My dad recently helped (a LOT) in buying a new car. Not just any car. A 2010 Mazda with only 13k miles. I’ll be able to have this car for SO long! Well after I graduate and into my working life. What a blessing! And, now that I have a job, I can pay for gas and insurance. Praise God. 

Beyond the car, (which I have yet to name) I bought a camera with some inheritance money. I am SO stoked about it too! My whole life has been filled with one sports team or another and I never really had a hobby. Well, now I have one! (Boy, I wish I had found this at the beginning of summer). Photography has been an interest of my family for awhile. My Grandpa on my dad’s side took pictures of everything and made stacks ans stacks of albums of some pretty fantastic pictures. I also recently learned that my grandma on my mom’s side had a SLR camera and developed her own photos. I wish I could know that side of her. I’m looking forward to learning as much as I can about my camera and about photo editing and everything else. There’s SO much to learn! But, I am SO excited about starting from ground zero in my knowledge of photography. It’s like starting wrestling. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, but the reward in winning that first match will forever be in my heart. Hard work can pay off and I’m excited to put what I have into learning photography. 

Hooray for a new journey in life. :] 

I went up to Seattle a coule weeks ago and it has probably been the best week of my whole summer. Which, if i’m honest isn’t saying much at all, but it really has been great. I got to spend time with people I love dearly and be in a city that I absolutely adore. 

It has been a fruitful week, a week of good advice and many heart to hearts. I was able to be active and play volleyball at golden gardens, sit around a fire with theta xi boys, go to my community group that I have missed dearly, go to an open zoo of retired circus animals and be slobbered on by bison and elk, go to church, and even apply for a job. 

I love this city. I love these people.